Sunday, 21 December 2008

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for seeing the crisis team.

This entry is a little different tonight. I've never kept quiet about suffering Borderline Personality Disorder ( as I believe it's an illness long overlooked and defiantly misunderstood. Currently there are changes being made as to gain a name alteration for the disorder as it currently suggests something along the lines of schizophrenia when in fact it's more of an emotional condition similar to that of bi-polar disorder.

I've been struggling for about a week after not seeing my doctor for around four weeks due to holidays and the like. Late last night I ended up finding myself well and truly embraced in an "episode" which threatened to harm, not only my precious relationship with MYB but indeed my entire self.

I'm therefore taking positive steps this evening and have contacted my local NHS authority. I've been up to a local hospital for a quick assessment and am currently waiting for a hospital car to pick me up and take me to a mental health ward in the North East. It's not as bad as it sounds, my episode is well and truly over, but I do need checking out and just a little chat to help me understand my current feelings.

I'm doing it because I want to make positive steps to guarantee a secure future for MYB and I. I'd like to state that if MYB, and especially any of the participating people within his life, is/are reading this then I'd like to point out my severe apologies for any degree of disruption, upset or confusion. I'd like to personally and publicly thank MYB for his support with the past 24 hours and indeed that for the past two and a quarter year. I am deeply lucky to have people around me willing to understand and willing to learn. I hope one day that BPD won't be seen as such a thing as to fear as "emotional instability" doesn't mean lives are constantly disrupted. I live a perfectly normal and blissfully happy life which, like depression and many other illnesses, needs a little chat with a doctor every now and again.

Therefore, rather than leaving you with an outfit today I'm leaving you with a photograph of me: I'm a successful, happy and intelligent girl who you'd see every day walking down the street. But I have a condition. The latter does not define me.

PS/ It's the lighting that is odd and not my eyebrows- they are perfectly neat.
PPS/ The scarf, vest and cardigan are all Primark, the headphones are HMV (avec Jessica Simpson blasting from them) and the soft Russian doll was a gift from MYB for Christmas.