Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for her father not turning up.

I have a slight child-like relationship with my father in the sense that I am clinging to the prospect that I will gain his acceptance and admiration. I often feel like a small child who is constantly seeking approval and yet, although totally comfortable within myself and my blissful life, I will never feel accomplished.

Since my parents split when I was 13, I've had a rocky relationship with the man who disagreed with fidelity. Now, almost a decade on, my outlook of fidelity and romance is perhaps more precious than the norm. I fear I cannot do much more to please my father, and nor do I want to. Successful journalist? Check. Brilliant academic life? Check. Stable and appallingly happy love life? Check. I'm independent, successful and ambitions and yet I find myself feeling like this isn't good enough whilst my sister is able to date drug dealers and not work and yet gain more praise.

But, for months now, I've been feeling the need to cut away ties and to stop myself from hurting. When my father is around, or when he's due to be around, I turn into a shadow of myself and I'm quiet and perhaps a little nervous. I cancelled plans with a friend today so that I could stay home and prepare for my father coming. He hadn't told me what time he was visiting so I waited all day. My father called this afternoon and said he'd arrive no later than 530pm. I prepared mentally and made myself look decently pretty. 530 came and he wasn't there, I sat looking out of the window for the little red car to turn up but it didn't. And so, at 545, my phone rang and my father cancelled without reason. I sat by the window in hope for a while, kidding myself that he hadn't let me down again. After a quarter of an hour, I retired to my bed and comforted myself in my favourite book and a tiny cry.

So, all the effort I made today went out of the window but this outfit is similar to what I put together in order to impress. This pretty frill-front cardigan is 3.1 Phillip Lim and I've teamed it with some Cheap Monday jeans and Miu Miu heels. The gold oval necklace is by Philip Crangi, the earrings are Forever21 and I've finished the look off with an Alexander Wang tote.

He didn't turn up.
He didn't turn up. - by hollieanne on Polyvore.com