Thursday, 19 March 2009

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for having a morning panic attack.

It's been a really stressful week, most notably issues with my father, so it didn't surprise me when I found myself unable to breath and going bright red. Welcome to panic attack land!

I'd been wound up all morning over issues to do with my father: I was wondering what was so wrong with me that he let me down all the time, wondering if my sister knew some secret I didn't, wondering if he preferred spending time with his girlfriend than with me. As I got off the bus and began to take the rather long walk to campus, I found myself welling up with tears for no reason. The tears kept on coming- silent and slow- until I was down a side road and having a full blown panic attack before 9am. My heart was racing, I was sweating, my muscles were tense, I was gagging because I couldn't name it.

When I get like that, the last thing I want to do is sit in a lecture and worry it's going to happen again. I always want to be curled up like a tiny baby guinea pig after I've suffered a panic attack. The need to want to be in a tight little ball after such a claustraphobic incident always strikes me as a little amusing but it feels safe and nice and comforting and I don't mind that one bit.

Returning home, I made a cup of herbal tea and watched BBC News for hours, taking little moments out to read a few pages of a book or the latest issue of Cosmopolitan. The highlight of my day was baking, however. I doubt I'm going to be around for Mothering Sunday this weekend so I baked my mum a fabulous buttercream and jam cake from scratch with little red frosted hearts hand crafted on. It made me smile.

But, as I was mixing up all my sweet treats, I began to think about how certain clothes can sometimes help calm a panic attack and certain items can really restrict you. I was wearing my staples of a fitted black cami, smart dark jeans and a trench today with a vintage scarf tied in a big bow around my neck. Clearly, the scarf was no good when my throat became tighter and my trench felt all too tight when I just needed some air rushing through me. The outfit today is plain but stylish and the main focus is clearly this beautiful Philosophy Di Alberta Ferretti cotton jacket. With the jacket, I've added a comfort of some simple cut jeans and wonderful Marc by Marc Jacobs mouse flats which are not only comfortable but cannot help to keep one smiling. I've gone for a simple but roomy Longchamp bag and then some sweet little earrings from Topshop. Finally, to add a little extra sparkle to the outfit, I've used a Lady Luck Rules OK apple brooch.

Morning panic attacks.
Morning panic attacks. - by hollieanne on