Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for her father not turning up.

I have a slight child-like relationship with my father in the sense that I am clinging to the prospect that I will gain his acceptance and admiration. I often feel like a small child who is constantly seeking approval and yet, although totally comfortable within myself and my blissful life, I will never feel accomplished.

Since my parents split when I was 13, I've had a rocky relationship with the man who disagreed with fidelity. Now, almost a decade on, my outlook of fidelity and romance is perhaps more precious than the norm. I fear I cannot do much more to please my father, and nor do I want to. Successful journalist? Check. Brilliant academic life? Check. Stable and appallingly happy love life? Check. I'm independent, successful and ambitions and yet I find myself feeling like this isn't good enough whilst my sister is able to date drug dealers and not work and yet gain more praise.

But, for months now, I've been feeling the need to cut away ties and to stop myself from hurting. When my father is around, or when he's due to be around, I turn into a shadow of myself and I'm quiet and perhaps a little nervous. I cancelled plans with a friend today so that I could stay home and prepare for my father coming. He hadn't told me what time he was visiting so I waited all day. My father called this afternoon and said he'd arrive no later than 530pm. I prepared mentally and made myself look decently pretty. 530 came and he wasn't there, I sat looking out of the window for the little red car to turn up but it didn't. And so, at 545, my phone rang and my father cancelled without reason. I sat by the window in hope for a while, kidding myself that he hadn't let me down again. After a quarter of an hour, I retired to my bed and comforted myself in my favourite book and a tiny cry.

So, all the effort I made today went out of the window but this outfit is similar to what I put together in order to impress. This pretty frill-front cardigan is 3.1 Phillip Lim and I've teamed it with some Cheap Monday jeans and Miu Miu heels. The gold oval necklace is by Philip Crangi, the earrings are Forever21 and I've finished the look off with an Alexander Wang tote.



He didn't turn up. - by hollieanne on Polyvore.com

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for being the fat best friend.

My BFF failed to call me yesterday which is massively unusual considering we chat about five times a day. As you may have noticed, I wasn't 100% sober when blogging last night so this prompted a silly phone call to my BFF at around 1am. Well, well, well, the little minx was with his new girlfriend- never expected that!

As a lot of you know, my BFF and I split over 2 years ago after a 2.5 year relationship. My BFF has never really had a serious relationship since we split but was always happy for MYB. But now that L has come onto the scene, it's weird for me to consider how our friendship might change and how L will take to me.

This evening, once L had finally gone home, my BFF called me and we had a little chat. As I'm a typical girl, I asked all about her hair style, dress sense and the like. L had left her cardigan in my BFF's bedroom and I pushed him to look at the size so I could build up a better visual image of L. My BFF looked (rightly or wrongly) and she's a ten. Fine, OK, wonderful. But that has left me wondering if I'll always be just seen as the fat best friend to her? Will L wonder what my BFF ever saw in me?

I know I'm being insecure, my BFF and I are best friends because we're two total idiots who have such a laugh and I hope L will see that. I'm not a size out of the ordinary, but I'm certainly not a 10. And as much as I have a wonderful man who adores my curves to pieces, I'm sat here doubting whether my BFF ever fancied me. Jesus, I'm being well silly.

I've dresses for meeting L tonight. When the day comes, I'm sure she'll like me but I know she'll think of me as that slightly odd and fashion obsessed magazine writer best friend of her bloke- and I quite like that! This pretty yellow top is from Milly, I've featured skinny pants by Alexander Wang and then gone all coral with accessories. The ruched coral bag is from Dorothy Perkins, the heels are ASOS and the earrings and ring are both Miss Selfridge.


I will always be the fat best friend. - by hollieanne on Polyvore.com

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for shopping for jeans.

All women will admit that the perfect jeans don't exist and searching for a pair that are just right can take hours. I'm sure you'll all agree on the power of the perfectly cut pair of denim jeans; dressed with flats for weekends, heels for work and a pretty top for dates. For me, it's vital I find a pair that are going to flatter my decent size arse, wrap around my hips just right so they look more like Beyonce and not beach whale (whales don't have hips, right?) and my jeans need to be long enough for my silly long legs.

So today my mother and I embarked on finding just the right pair. For a little over a year now I've been wearing a pair from a popular high street store that do just the job and I've wore them for work with a blazer and felt really great. But would they still exist? And even if they did, would they still look decent on me? Losing weight has change me from an apple shape to much more of an hourglass shape (yippee!). I love my figure right now but I find myself becoming nervous that the usual things I'd normally pick out just won't look the same.

But today was a success. I'm the girl who never wears trousers and I only tend to wear jeans once a week with the rest of the week being filled with skirts, dresses and tights. I found the right jeans today, though. They're actually the pair I've always worn but in a slightly darker denim and a two sizes down from normal. I bagged some lighter denim wide-leg jeans from H&M this week for a fiver and although they're fine, I think they'll just be my Sunday jeans for wearing when I'm just popping to the shops for the papers and milk.

My mother, the sweet little cuddle bug that she is, picked me out a nautical over sized tee with a red sequin anchor and I adore it. Thanks, Yummy Mummy. Oh, and whilst I'm onto thanking people, I think I should apologise for the post yesterday. I feel like I came down on MYB too much regarding silly Valentine's Day. We made up last night which was super gorgeous.

Anyway, outfit time? Go on then. Clearly I've picked the perfect jeans shopping outfit! The jeans featured here are hot new label Current/Elliot whom I've heard such great things about. The pretty hippy vest is See by Chloé and I've used an Alexander Wang blazer so it would be easy to visualise how the jeans would look for work and weekend. I think heels are important when shopping for jeans as to get the right leg length so I've used orange Miu Miu wedges for that extra height. I had great trouble today- 34 inch leg is apparently the largest stocked and they're just say fine, I could do with a longer length though. Accessories come from the wonderful Marc B with this orange bag, a sweet Nine West necklace and a Topshop ring that I have officially fallen for. Finally, some Tom Ford sunglasses because posing is fun!

PS/ How incredible was the Alexander Wang A/W show? STUNNING!


Shopping for jeans. - by hollieanne on Polyvore.com

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for photography in the garden.

I had a final resting day today before I prepare myself to head back into education after a week and a half at home due to illness. I have to admit that I'm a tad nervous about tomorrow for some odd reason but I guess it's like the feeling we all get about going back to school/college/Uni/work after the holidays, isn't it? My mummy sorted me out with cuddles and shakes.

My portfolio pieces are increasingly growing and I'm loving the stuff I'm producing right now. MYB asked me to e-mail some pieces over for his viewing (I heart how interested he is in my work!) and I'm waiting to hear his responses- let's hope they were a hit! I produced a few more pieces today but it makes me nervous as to how close the deadline is to have it all finished. I have by no means started on my "Suri Cruise: My Personal Style Icon" stuff and nor have I even began to pen any words regarding how I ended up in the silly world of journalism (MYB and I, Jan 6th several years ago, All Bar One, Chinese man crossing the road... it's a long but beautiful story). I'm sure I'll manage.

When I wasn't doing portfolio pieces I was out in the garden. My parents have a beautiful garden which I love discovering. I didn't embrace the outdoors and the garden over the summer due to illness so I'm really looking forward to the sun coming along and walking down towards the apple tree via the stepping stones. I've taken the opportunity over these past few days to sneak out amongst the snow and snap away with my camera. We have some beautiful plants and flowers in our garden which have allowed me to take some incredible shots. I'm hoping to venture out amongst the plants and trees more often for some photography sessions. It's my happy place right now.

This super pretty outfit is perfect for staying home and being comfortable and creative in but also warm enough for half an hour out in between the trees and flowers. I find myself in love with this cardigan which is by Oscar de la Renta; it has a major price tag but it's absolutely gorgeous! Under the cardigan I'd wear this sweet little pocket silk tank by Alexander Wang and slip on some simple True Religion jeans. Chloé have produced these simple but pretty stack wedge heels and I've added a wonderful investment buy by Bottege Veneta. Jewellery is all cheap but chic: the owl ring is Miss Selfridge, the earrings are Topshop and this statement necklace is available from ASOS.



Photographs in the garden. - by hollieanne on Polyvore.com

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for creative writing.

Nice little English Language lecture this morning. Actually, when I say nice I mean rather dull in the form of being given 2 hours and 30 minutes to write a short instructive piece (How To Apply Lipstick was my contribution!), a formal letter (I complained to Dune about the red patent paint coming off my new wedges after one day) and a descriptive piece (based on getting a cab after my boyfriend and I left the Wallpaper* Design Awards in January of this year).

As my lecturer was reading through my rambles on air kissing and Eton accent slurring of "It was lovely to meet you, Hollie daaaarrrrrlling" she gave me a compliment which, at first, I didn't realise how amazing it was. Apparently my descriptive pieces read exactly like F. Scott Fitzgerald (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F._Scott_Fitzgerald). I admit, I didn't know who he was! Yup, I can tell you who was in the front row of the Alexander Wang A/W 2008 show but I'm not the most literally read bird. It's not that I don't care, I love to read and will read anything I can get my hands on, but perhaps I enjoy the more fluffy side of things after a long stressful day of sub-editing/feature writing/studying.

My classmates then informed me how much of a wonderful man Mr. F. Scott Fitzgerald actually is and that I should be elated that I have a similar tone and style to him. Wa-hey for me!

So today I'm dressing for creative writing. Hours in coffee shops writing descriptive pieces about a geeky boy who makes it in the Big City, creating ideas for short stories and epic novels, producing characters like the person I've always wanted to be, daydreaming and scribbling every though on the page. Ahh, the art of imagination...

This outfit is indeed eclectic but why not, eh? I do realise that I am a massive La Garçonne geek and I do adore Chloé but how can I help it when they produce these beauties included in the outfit below? The wear with everything La Garçonne dress should be a staple and when paired with the chunky striped Chloé cardie, it's the perfect slouchy working from home outfit. I've added a brilliant pair of Gareth Pugh leggings (possibly the only wearable thing he's ever made) and stuck on a 40s style green trilby to be extra colourful and quirky. Again, it's a selling my granny style situation for this Chloé day bag. Any offers on my darling grandmother? I'll accept in the region of £825. Let the bidding begin!