Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for a major confidence crisis.

So, the moment I start talking about the fairytale is the moment I suddenly crash. BPD? I think not, I just feel at a loss slightly. A few things have happened in the past week that have just made me lose my confidence and I've spent some time this week wondering whether I put myself in the right situations. I'm hoping it'll all pass soon, work is keeping me crazy busy. My loved ones have been amazing, I just hope they're all proud of me.

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for a lack of blogging.

This blog is my baby, you all know that, right? Yet a tiny part of me has had a whistful and strange love affair with Dressing For since the loss of my Internet connection. My will to change the world- or the North East of England, at least- with my fashion passion has often taken a back seat to love, heart break, loss, education and, of course, baking. I haven't blogged recently for all the latter reasons and yet I punish myself because getting back into the game has a huge tinge of guilt and thus I provide you all with a deep apology from me.

I'm currently sat in a secret location; Sex And The City the movie has just finished, my hair freshly blow-dried and I can feel the most amazing breeze hitting my bronzed cheeks. I have a large glass of wine cuddled next to me, I'm wearing lounge-wear in shades of peach and nude and I have pearls round my neck. From Wednesday through to today has been a time in my life that I've craved for three years and, my God, if you knew how much I've wanted this then you'd forgive me for forgetting all but my mind and promised words. A picnic all home baked taken to a work place in a Cath Kidston basket, sherbet cocktails, and plain old excitment.

I think back to myself this year. I was in a mental coma induced by the worst incident in my life, my best friend wrapping me up in blankets and supplying me with endless DVDs... But I came alive for fashion. All it took was a black, white and pink floral skirt to make me feel like Hollie again.

A year later and I've worked hard to make all my dreams come true. I'm most like Charlotte from SATC, although most would say Carrie what with the writing career and my up and down love life. I'm like Charlotte because I've never been so thankful to be part of a life that feels like a fairytale, yet I'm terrified that I'll lose it all.

As I sit here, the Sunday evening sounds of a soul mate and my Vera Wang fragrance filling the air, I wonder if it's my inner 60s hippy that is embracing love and peace or whether I'm just the optimistic character in the fairytale that has gone from tragic to a dream come true. Getting lost from blogging these few days didn't mean I didn't care or want to write, I've simply had to take time in to believe the fairytale before I actually write it.

One other thing, I've been appointed as PR Director of a small beauty firm. It's early days but I hope you'll all enjoy this chapter.

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for A&E.

You'd thing they'd be advantages to your step-dad breaking his finger, mainly lots of time in A&E equalling lots of fit doctors. But, sadly, it wasn't to be and I only spied one gorgeous junior doctor that looked a he'll of a lot like MYB. It's been a weird day, resulting in eating McDonalds outside at 10pm. I'm glad today is over. I've got an exciting week ahead with some life changing stuff happening on Tuesday and loads of hugs and lots of smooching sessions later in the week. Hope you've had a good one!

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for shop, shop, shopping!

My word am I exhausted! Spent today shopping for hours looking for the perfect dress for an important day on Tuesday. In the end, Evans came out on top which is odd as I tend to really dislike their stuff and never shop there. I spied a darling midnight blue trapeze dress but was gutted when there was only a size 4 up from my size left. But with a bit of fashion magic, I made it work! Turns out it was a top but because it was so big on me, it became my new dress. I'm going to accessorize with bright purple sandals for evening and black tights and flats for a chic day look.

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for her purse.

My D&G purse went missing today. All dressed up and ready to take my brothers to McDonalds for a special treat, I was packing by satchel when I realized my beloved patent purse was missing from my gym bag I'd used last night at my salsa class. My brothers and I looked everywhere and I started to cry. I gave up looking and retired to my bed to call MYB so he could comfort his girl. Then an email popped into my inbox. The people at the gym had found my purse and found my email address inside my purse so they contacted me that way. The sad thing is is that £20 was missing but I still had £30 in there so I've been lucky. Isn't it weird how it's the sentimental stuff that matters most? A car park ticket from a romantic day at Chatsworth, a tiny card from mum and MYB's business card which inspires me so much.

Some exciting career news happened today! Watch this space...

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for salsa classes.

I'm rather painfully shy so attending my first salsa dance class was a big deal for me. But I managed and I'm so proud. I hearted salsa dancing and, surprisingly, I'm rather good at it. A darling friend of MYB (My Yummy Bloke) encouraged me and I'm so thankful to her. Now, I should say that I can't wait until next week but I have the pleasure of going on a dinner date so I'll be giving the class a miss until two weeks time- I'm excited already!

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for Pizza Hut with mummy.

I love girly summer evenings. Mum and I met up and had a pretty dinner out after doing a little shopping. I really mean it when I say my mum is my best friend, I've had a few things on my mind and she's made me see sense. The weather was so beautiful today so a maxi dress and little cardigan was the fashion order of the day- what did you wear in the pretty sun today? Bet you all looked fab!

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for the silly iPhone.

iPhone playing up so not much time to blog as it may go down again. Kthxbai!!!

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for bake, bake, baking!

My BPD has sent me a little off today so I'm not feeling too great. But, to try and keep me level, I've been baking mini muffins! The first batch were peanut butter and chocolate muffins and the second were bananna and honey ones- yum!

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for Father's Day.

What did you lot do for the daddies in your life today? I'm guessing the biggest treat would be to stop buying Jimmy Choos with his credit card but that's not going to happen, right? Today was a bit odd for me, the past year has been strange and I have the typically upper middle class problem of "having issues with my father" - cliché, I know. But I did buy a card and baked a huge Victoria sponge with white chocolate and red berries. Good effort from moi, I think.

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for being such a girly girl.

I may be tattooed and pierced but I ain't by 'alf a girly girl. I love interior design and shopping and getting my hair done and all those other things which lead to being a pampered wife. I've taken time out tonight to read magazines, watch 27 Dresses and raid my products cupboard. I spent a good hour with body butters, cellulite rollers and facial toners- bliss! I suggest Body Shop, Garnier and Stella McCartney.

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for getting her nose pierced.

In my teens, I was the quiet, sensible, bookish girl that always had plaited hair and stayed in most nights enjoying the comfort and company of her mother. In my 20s, little has changed. I'm shy, quiet and very bookish and the word 'rebel' means nothing to me. Until now- sort of!

My family, friends and lover all joke that my tattoo was me rebelling and making up for my teenage years but the in-joke is that my mother put me up to it! But today I did something for myself and finally got my nose pierced! Did it hurt? A little. It was the idea of the gun being in me more than actually getting it done. I now have my pretty sparklie sparklie and the good news is that MYB loves it!

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for the one year anniversary.

Today is the day. It's exactly one year ago since I was plugged up to machines and terrified I was going to die. I reflect and dwell on anniversaries a lot and despite the fact that some people find them pointless and can cope well with them, I've felt teary today. I look back and I just cry for the girl who was all alone and so scared. But I've done amazing this past year: I'm earning good money, doing well in my studies and I know I've found the man I'm going to marry. So why can't I look at all that and be proud rather than being upset for the past ? I guess I'm just one of those people.

Last year I was given a second chance and I had a birthday cake today to celebrate the anniversary of the new Hollie-Anne. This girl is an ambitious young journalist, a talented academic and a girl who makes decisions rationally. When someone told me I was beautiful that night one year ago, I knew I had something and someone to live for.

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for the night before her "birthday"

My mother is a beautiful woman, at 44, she looks more beautiful than any super model and her cute words of wisdom never fail to wow me. This time last year I was undergoing a major manic period and I spent 2 weeks ruining myself. Tomorrow marks the day when it all came to a head and i'm the luckiest girl in the world to still be here. Anniversaries can be quite sad but my mum turned this one around: "Tomorrow is your other birthday, the start of the rest of your life began on that night" I now feel secure in tomorrow. It's my 1st birthday tomorrow and we'll celebrate the start of the new Hollie-Anne Brooks- the journalist, the student and the girl who has found the love of her life.

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for an apology from her father.

So, this week is the one year anniversary of the worst week of by life and seeing my father today was always going to be hard. But as we sat chatting about my fabulous weekend when MYB and I saw Britney Spears, my father cut me off and apologised for the past year. What's your view on apologies? Do you think they count for anything if said so much longer after the event? I couldn't help but feel he was saying sorry for his guilt and not for what the mess he caused if his own life, for all the pain I went through. Sometimes saying sorry feels hollow.

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for thunder storms.

I have several phobias in life: spiders, rats, pregnant women and thunder storms. I've been sick today so when I woke fro
an afternoon nap to the sound of thunder, I pulled myself under the duvet and had a tiny cry. I hate the noise, the lightening and the fear it's going to get worse. It's a silly phobia, I know. But it appears many people couldn't avoid the storm today- eeek!

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for an afternoon at the beach.

When I was a child, I was scared stiff of sand but nowerdays I love the stuff. A family member lives right by the beach so I spent a joy filled day with six small children and lots of sea air.

I would have loved to have lived by the sea as a youngster. My best friend lives on the coast in Dovercourt and I love photos and stories of sand castle building every day and catching fresh fish. It was a really pretty day today.

But did being surrounded by so many cute kids make me want my own? Well, I've never denied I'd love to stay at home writing as my husband works but I have too much ambition which is the same reason I can be 100% sure I never want children of my own.

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for photographs.

Anyone close to me could tell you what I'm like with my camera- snap, snap, snap constantly with a hunger to keep the moment alive in several images which I can hold onto forever. I love documenting everything- outfits and purchases for style blogs and fashion groups, flowers and plants in the garden so I can watch the seasons change in several shots, tiny moments filled with love and private jokes to hold close to my heart if we were to be ever so unlucky and lose that happiness.

But how often do you actually get your photos processed? It's rare I have something to hold and rather Flickr and Facebook become my frames of choice. So today, still high from last weekend, I took my camera card and within minutes held several images of 2 people so in tune, so lost in the moment and so very happy. To hold the smiling faces in my hand reminded me that technology often always lacks in reality.

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for the very last day of college.

Words about Descartes and signing out, now I have to worry no more. I sat by final exam today and it feels so weird. Next week marks the anniversary of the worst week of my life and I cannot believe what I've managed to do in a year. Being on campus today was bizarre, all the hopes and wishes I've had over the past few months are now in the hands of exam markers- wish me luck!

And don't forget, you can find Dressing For on Twitter now: www.twitter.com/dressingfor

Hollie-Anne Brooks dresses for being back.

Hi everyone. I'm back. I know how odd it is of me not to blog for several days in a row but there's been a number of reasons.

The weekend: Time just kept slipping away. I spent the weekend dancing with my love, seeing Britney at the O2 and then spending time Up North with my two favourite people. Best weekend in a long time.

This week: I've been to hospital and back with my ear infection. The pain got so bad that I was screaming and crying for hours. I'm only just starting to feel a bit better.

Blog will continue as normal from now on.